MST: What can you do with a carrot and a bottle of
by mysterysciencetheatre
Summary: I swear, this jus screamed 'MST me! Please' This is just for fun, I didn't mind the story so much, I just enjoy MSTing. So, enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, this I'm Narcissa Bolt. I found this Fic! on and forced myself to read it. Why? I honestly have no clue. However, I did, and I felt quite ill afterwards. It's a Harry Potter Fic!, so...well, you'll see.**

**Now, this is a character commentary, not a personal commentary. So, forbasically it's what I like to think that characters would say if they were to read this...this...squick. So, here we dive into part one. Yes, there's more than one.**

**Alright, now we begin.**

**Remus is sitting on a bench in the middle of purgatory when he spies a stapled stack of papers sitting beside him. **

**Remus: Oh, a paper! *Quickly runs off to the others***

**Sirus: Where am I…and why am I sixteen again?**

**James: *Smiles* neat**

**Remus: (out of breath) I have a Fic!**

**Tonks: Gah, don't you know the evil they hold?**

**Remus: Um…nooo, no.**

**James: Whenever someone finds a bad Fic! no one leaves happy.**

**Remus: But the rules…**

**James: What rules?**

**Sirius: Hello! Still suddenly de-aged!**

**Remus: When you find a stack of paper you have to pick it up and take it to show your friends, otherwise you'll be cursed.**

**Severus: Aren't we already cursed, what with us being in hell and all.**

**Everyone: It's not hell! It's purgatory! **

**Severus: Whatever.**

**Remus: Also there's a note.**

**Severus: And…?**

**Remus: Well, it's long and there are a lot of big words that James and Sirius wouldn't understand-**

**James/Sirius: Hey!**

**Remus: But, the gist of it is that to work off our sins from our life we have to read something called 'bad!fic'. Then we go on to our respectable afterlives. **

**Sirius: We all still suddenly de-aged!**

**Tonks: Can we just get this Fic! over with?**

**James: Yeah, okay, just so long as I'm not in this one.**

What can you do with a carrot and a bottle of liquor?

**Tonks: Hmm.**

**Remus: Don't think to hard Honey.**

**Sirius: Anyone else see the weird age here?**

**Severus: I can think of three things.**

**Remus: Me too, but they all involve a goose and duct tape.**

**Tonks: Wah?**

SnapeXJames

**James: I see I am in this. Hey Sniv, why do you look so…terrified.**

**Sirius: *Whisper whisper***

**James: Oh…**

**Sirius: *whisper whisper whisper***

**James: Oh!**

**Tonks/Sirius: *Whisper whisper***

**James: My God! Who would write this type of…squick?**

**Severus: *Broken.***

James entered the room where Snape was sitting by himself,

**James: Because he has no friends.**

**Severus: Shut it off.**

**James: Shut it off?**

working with his potions. He was munching on some carrots he had in a bowl next to him.

**Severus: Because I keep those with me at all times.**

Snape turned to look at him and was about to ask what he was doing there, but James shushed him.

**James: I did what?**

**Remus: Shushed…him?**

**James: How does one do that?**

**Tonks: Obviously the author of this has no sense of how to shut Severus up.**

"Do me a favour and hide me. I'll do you a favour in return."

**Severus: I don't want your favours.**

Alright…" Snape started, but James had already swiftly hid under the table. Just seconds later, a hairy, old professor entered.

**Everyone: Ew.**

**James: Hey Sniv, obviously this is a new dimension where you meet yourself when you're older.**

**Tonks: Hairy, old professor? Where's Slughorn?**

**Remus****: Maybe it is Slughorn?**

"Mr. Snape. Have you seen Potter around here?" he asked. His eyebrows were so long, Snape couldn't imagine he could see anything past them. His suspicions were confirmed when the man had to move the hair apart with his fingers like it was curtains.

**Everyone: *Shudder***

**Tonks: That is *not* Slughorn!**

Snape glanced at James under the table that was slowly shaking his head.

**Remus: Why was the table shaking James' head?**

**James: I hate those damned enchanted tables.**

**Tonks: Language, James! There is a lady in the room!**

**Sirius: Where?**

"No," Snape then replied to the professor.

"Are you sure?" The professor scanned the room.

"Absolutely. I will notify you if I see him."

**James: Why does the professor want me so bad?**

**Sirius: Exploding cauldrons? Exploding toilets? Exploding bookcases? Attempting to explode the professor?**

**James: Oh, right, that.**

"Alright. Good boy."

**James: Because that's just so believable, 'no', No never got me out of anything.**

**Severus: Well yes, but you're a horrible human being who no one ever believed because you always lied.**

**Remus: Except that one time.**

**James: (Dreamily) Ah yes, that one time.**

**Sirius: I still suddenly poofed into a sixteen year old boy!**

"Professor?" The old man stopped in his tracks and turned back to Snape. "Would you lock the door please?

**James: (Severus's voice) As I'm about to do inappropriate things with myself.**

There are so many people interrupting me while I'm trying to work."

"Of course," the professor smiled and did as the young boy asked him.

James came back out from

**Severus: Inside the closet?**

**Sirius: Sev, just because we look like we're sixteen doesn't mean we are.**

**Tonks: You got over the shock of the age change then?**

**Sirius: No…I'm just choosing to ignore it. If I ignore it then it'll all go away.**

**Remus: I tried that once!**

**James: And…?**

**Remus:…*Sigh* I'm a werewolf.**

under the table, smiling. "Thank you." Snape had his eyes fixed on him.

**James: Get them off! **

**Tonks: Silly Sevvy, eyes go inside your head.**

James loosened his tie and threw it away.

**Sirius: Why? Ties are expensive.**

He then started to slowly unbutton his shirt. "You know…" he began. He looked down, trying to hide his slight blush from the other man that was still staring so intently at him. "I'm sorry I'm always picking on you and bully and humiliate you.

**James: I am not.**

**Severus: (Sarcastically) Aww, you like me! You really like me.**

I want to make it up to you."

**James: By killing myself.**

**Severus: Thank you**

**Tonks: Already dead.**

**James and Severus: Aw, damn.**

"And how will you do that?" Snape asked, although he had a good idea of what it was.

**Severus: James was going to stab himself in the gut with his wand and shout Crucio?**

**Remus: Have you thought about this?**

**Severus: *Sigh* all the time.**

James looked back up and smiled. He took his unbuttoned shirt of before gently unzipping his trousers. He pulled down his pants and walked out of them,

**Tonks: Door pants! A great new invention!**

then casually kicked them away.

"I have been thinking about it and I think I have come up with a solution." He took off his socks then his boxers. He stands up straight in front of Snape, bare naked.

**Sirius: That's a little redundant.**

**James: Heh, what she doesn't know is that I never wear socks.**

**Tonks: You're not wearing socks?**

**James: *Triumphantly* Nope.**

**Tonks: Why are you so proud of that?**

"Look at me. All of me."

**James: Now, only look at my arm.**

James was looking Snape in the eyes. Snape's eyes on the other hand were wandering.

**Tonks: Severus Snape keep your eyes inside your head! Don't let them go off all willy nilly**.

"Say something. Anything! Insult me or whatever. Now is your chance Snape."

**Severus: To escape?**

**Tonks: *Grabs Severus' shirt collar before he can stand up.* No!**

**Severus: Well, I'll just insult him them. You're a loud, arrogant, filthy, disgrace for a human being. You should probably go take you're wand and-**

**Tonks: That's quite enough of that!**

But Snape didn't say anything. He was just sitting on his chair, staring at him. Slightly annoyed with the reaction, James walked over to him and unzipped Snape's pants. He pulled them off and kicked them away before going down on his knees in front of Snape.

**Sirius: I really think we should stop reading now.**

**Remus: Yes, but I can't stop.**

**Sirius: Me neither.**

**Tonks: I can stop whenever I want.**

***Long pause***

**Tonks: Well, obviously now is not the time.**

James began pulling off Snape's boxers, but he chickened out before his cock was completely visible. A mocking snort

**Severus: I do not snort.**

**James: Yeah, and I don't touch your dick either.**

**Severus: *Brief pause* I do not snort.**

**Remus: *Is sick***

from Snape gave James courage again and he grabbed the long member and gently caressed it.

"If you want, I can get the others so that they can see me like this. It would be very embarrassing,"

**James: I think that the author thinks I'm a masochist, but I think she thinks wrong.**

**Siruis: Maybe it's the fact that I'm somehow sixteen again, but you lost me Prongs.**

James whispered just loud enough for Snape to hear it.

**Remus: That's, uh, that's usually how whispering works.**

Snape gave him a surprised look. "There's no need," he said.

**Severus: In fact they decided there was no need for any of this and went back to their respectable houses.**

**Tonks: *Grabs Sev's shirt collar again.* No, sit.**

**Remus: If it were only that easy.**

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Snape replied calmly.

**James: Wow Snivellus is the only one making sense here.**

James nodded. Snape could see a faint, relieved smile. James moved closer to Snape's cock and licked the tip. The cock became completely erect.

**Sirius: Oh, completely. Yeah new accomplishment 'ay Sev?**

**Severus: Shouldn't you be on fire by now?**

**Tonks: Already dead!**

**Severus: That doesn't stop him from being on fire.**

Snape's breath was fast and shallow as he looked down on James' beautiful face. The boy got braver and began sucking harder. Snape came soon after. James swallowed, making some funny faces as he did.

**Remus: A funny face? Like this? **

**(Remus pulls at the sides of his mouth and widens his eyes)**

**Tonks: Yes dear, just like that.**

**Sirius: Huh, no one's ever done that to me before, not like that anyway.**

**Severus: Be glad.**

**Remus: Oh, search the internet, I'm sure they have.**

**Sirius:…Internet?**

He looked up at Snape.

**Severus: Anyone else notice that this author calls me 'Snape' rather than 'Severus?'**

**James: That's what bothers you the most?**

**Severus: No, it's just annoying.**

**Sirius: It's his defense Mechanism. Blocks out the pain of squick. **

**Tonks: Squick?**

**Sirius: It's a real thing.**

"What do you want to do now?" he asked smiling.

**Severus: Go home.**

**Tonks: Sit.**

**Severus: So close.**

"Get up." James got up and Snape grabbed him by the shoulder and led him to one of the tables. "Lay down on it.

**James: But the books are still there!**

On your back."

**Remus: Because you'd be uncomfortable on your head.**

James did as he was asked. The table was cold and the position made his back hurt

**Remus: But not as much as it would have if he was one his head.**

but he didn't say anything. He just hoped Snape would be quick.

Snape trailed his fingers along James' chest.

**Tonks: Keep your body parts to yourself Severus!**

He briefly touched his nipples often,

**James: How much time is spent here?**

**Severus: Too much, obviously if I touch your nipples…often.**

**Remus: Ah, but briefly. **

**Tonks: Yes, it makes no sense, we got that from the title.**

teasing him. The mix of sensation and coldness made them stiffen. Liking the reaction, Snape pinched them both.

**James: *wraps his arms around his body* Ow, ow, ow!**

James gasped loudly. Smirking, Snape moved his face closer to James'. "Do you always get this hard…" Snape looked down on James. "In all places?" he whispered into his ear.

**James: Um, not my ears, my ears stay pretty full of cartilage most of the time. All flimsy like.**

"It's just with you," James gasped. He blushed as he realized what he had said.

Snape smirked and moved his hand further down. He started pumping James' cock.

**Sirius: Full of air? Like a tire?**

**Remus: Oh no, it's gonna explode if he keeps on like that!**

**Severus: Good.**

**Everyone else: *Look of horror***

**Severus: What?**

"Not much to play with," Snape teased.

**Severus: Obviously I like the ear better.**

**James: The author has never even seen my little James!**

**Severus: Little James, exactly.**

**Sirius: I call mine Daisy.**

"So sorry," James said insulted and turned away.

Snape didn't mind and kept going. He was doing it slowly and stopped whenever he felt James' body twitch. With his free hand he caressed James' thigh. James both wanted him to continue and to finish up. His impatiens won in the end.

**James: What are my 'impatiens'?**

**Tonks: Impatiens are a type of flower.**

**James: *worried* Why do I have them?**

**Severus: Obviously I gave them to you.**

"Please hurry up!"

**James: The books are hurting my back.**

**Remus: At least you're not on your head doing this.**

**Severus: Watch it, with this author you never know.**

he moaned. Snape looked at James. "I-I can't take it… anymore!" Snape enjoyed the moment well before he finished up with James.

**Severus: And quickly left the room feeling as though he needed a three day shower…in acid.**

**Tonks: Sit!**

**Severus: Ha, I wasn't leaving that time.**

**Tonks: Um…good?**

**Severus: …Damn.**

James fell on the floor as he came hard and Snape released his grip on him.

**Severus: I hope none of it got on me.**

**James: Please, like with your skin it would make a difference.**

"T-thanks… I guess," he breathed heavily.

"Get up. I'm not done with you yet."

**Severus: Now I get to kill him?**

**Sirius: Don't sound so happy…it's creepy.**

**Severus: You suddenly turned sixteen.**

**Sirius: Finally, someone else noticed! Weird isn't it it's like I morphed.**

James got back up with shaky legs.

**James: No, I gave shaky's legs back to him last week!**

"Lean on the desk."

**Remus: But not on your head!**

**Tonks: You're really worried about James being on his head, aren't you?**

**Remus: Mmmhmm.**

"Say what?"

**Severus: *Singing* Say, say, say what you want, but don't **

**play games with my affection.**

**Remus And Sirius: *Singing* Take, take, take what you need, but don't leave me with no direction!**

**Severus: All alone**

**James: You never ever worry**

**James, Remus, Sirius, and Severus: And you never shed a tear.**

**Tonks: It says 'say what' not 'say what you want. Not the time for Paul McCarthy. **

**Sirius: It's always time for Paul McCarthy.**

"Lean on the desk."

**Remus: Really though, not on your head!**

James did as he was told and leaned on the desk.

**Remus: On his back?**

**Tonks: Yes honey.**

**Remus: Thank God.**

**James/Sirius: You're welcome!**

It was warmer this time. He then looked over his shoulder. Snape was standing right behind him and moved his hand to James' mouth.

**Severus: Surprise! I had chloroform all along!**

"Suck on them. Make them wet,"

**James: You're…fingers?**

**Tonks: That's not sexy.**

**Sirius: Nor a proper thing to do in this situation.**

he whispered in James' ear.

**Severus: Hey I really do like your ears.**

**Sirius: Because they don't get hard?**

He took them out and pushed them slowly into James' tight hole.

**James: My ear?**

**Sirius: See, that's his defense mechanism.**

James winced in pain as the fingers moved further inside of him.

"Who would've though.

**Severus: Exactly, who would've done this though?**

**Tonks: I think she means 'thought'.**

**Remus: Then shouldn't there be a question mark?**

A virgin."

**James: Heh, little did she know….**

**Tonks: God, you're such a little liar.**

**James: So, you finally admit that I'm God?**

**Severus: If you're God, then why do you have to read the Fic!**

**James: Because…because…because…Shut up!**

Snape was smiling teasingly, but his eyes quickly turned cold.

**Severus: Because he suddenly realized the horror of what he was doing?**

**Tonks: No, because they fell out of your head again!**

**Severus: Don't hit me!**

**Remus: Were his eyes hot before?**

The look kind of hurt him.

**Severus: Because I jabbed a stake through his heart.**

**James: I'm not a vampire.**

**Remus: Silly kids, stakes won't kill a for-real vampire.**

James turned away and looked down at the floor.

**Tonks: Because that's where Sev's eyes were!**

Snape pulled his fingers out of him. James thought it was over,

**James: Hoped.**

but a larger object was suddenly shoved in.

**Severus: Surprise! It's a pipe bomb! **

**Sirius: Have you actually thought about this?**

**Severus: Well, not a thoroughly as this author, but as for the pipe bomb…. oh yeah.**

**Remus: That's a little disturbing.**

**Severus: Well I wouldn't use it in the way the author wants it used.**

He turned around quickly and looked at what the hell it was. A freaking carrot.

**Sirius: Super freak, super freak. A freaking carrot.**

**Severus: Because I always keep carrots on my person.**

James cried as Snape moved it in more.

**Remus: That…poor carrot.**

**James: Poor carrot?**

"Ops. Did it hurt?" Snape whispered.

James nodded and Snape pushed the carrot in even further.

**Severus: I think they got our relationship down wrong.**

**James: Yes, according to this I'm the masochist and you're the sadistic one.**

James twisted in pain. Snape let his free hand slide slowly along James' back. He let his hand stop on the back of his neck. James was still breathing heavily.

**Tonks: Um…the neck is not the back.**

**Remus: Also, you can't feel someone breathe at their neck.**

**James: Yes, also I would never allow this to happen.**

when Snape spun the carrot around. He then began thrusting it in out of him.

**Remus: You don't generally thrust something out of people.**

"You're being a good boy,"

**Severus: Now sit. Good boy.**

**Sirius: Hey!**

**Severus: What?**

**Sirius: (Pouting) I'm the dog**.

he whispered again before taking the carrot out. James had tears in his eyes, but didn't say anything and dried them off. Snape threw the carrot away and replaced it instead with his cock.

**Severus: Rooster!**

**James: I wish.**

**Severus: Bestiality?**

**Narcisssa: And that is the end of part one. That's all I can stand to write at the moment. Please note that I only wrote the things that appear in bold. And the horrible author (Ml90) wrote the rest. Now, I need to go take a bath in acid before I can finish this.**

**Part two coming soon to a computer screen near you! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Severus: Rooster!**

**James: I wish.**

**Severus: Bestiality? **

**Narrator: After a brief fight the two are dragged back to the table by Tonks and forced to read again.**

He was moving slowly inside him at first, but gradually started moving faster and faster. Both of them were moaning loudly in pleasure and it didn't take long before they both came.

**James: Back to their senses!**

Snape slipped out of James and leaned on the other man

**Severus: Who was in the room recording the whole thing.**

**James: You can't just rape me and then lean on this other man.**

as he was tired. James thought it was over and let his body relax, but Snape started chuckling.

"That was nice… but now it's time to punish you."

**Remus: I don't understand…any of it!**

**Tonks: Sirius, are you crying?**

**Sirius: *Sniffle* no. **

James looked wondering at Snape. "Down on the floor."

"How?" James asked.

**Remus: Not-**

**Tonks: Not on your head. We get it.**

**Remus: I'm worried.**

"Ass up,"

**Remus: Oh god.**

**Severus: Yeah we all know, it's quite horrific.**

**Remus: No, he's on his head.**

Snape smirked. James blushed and went down on the floor like he wanted him. "Now, spread your legs Potter."

**James: Please don't make me read anymore.**

**Severus: We kind of have to.**

**James: Why?**

**Severus: To get out of hell.**

**Everyone: Purgatory!**

**Severus: Right, sorry.**

He stepped away for a moment and got a bottle of liquor from a cabinet. After rummaging through some drawers he also found a cork screw.

**Sirius: I can think of a couple of things to do with that.**

**Tonks: Oh god.**

**Sirius: Yep, I don't know how many situations I've been in where I've said 'I wish I had a cork screw.'**

His laugh was almost evil as he walked back.

**Tonks: Yet, strangely motherly.**

"This is gonna hurt."

**Severus: My brain.**

He put it in James' ass and began pouring it inside of him.

**Sirius: Oh god the cork-screw? **

**Remus: It would appear.**

**Sirius: Obviously the author and I aren't using the same kind of corkscrew.**

**Remus: Obviously.**

**Sirius: I wish I had a corkscrew.**

It was really painful and James wanted to scream, but he stayed as quiet as he could. Only a few whimpers of pain escaped his lips.

**Severus: Because I slit his throat!**

**James: Must you sound so happy about that?**

When the bottle was empty, Snape put the cork in James' hole

**James: Ear hole! Ear…hole.**

to keep it there. Snape got up and got a chair to sit on.

"Now, come to me."

**Severus: Good boy! Now roll over.**

**Sirius: Me…dog. Not him.**

**James: You can be in the story if you want.**

**Sirius: (Goes white) No, never mind.**

James stumbled over to him. His body was shaking. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

"How bad?"

"I've never felt this much pain before."

**James: Except that one time.**

**Remus: Ah yes, that one time.**

**Tonks: You both really disturb me.**

Snape smiled. James' voice was shaky and he struggled to keep quiet.

"Sit down on my lap." James sat down so they sat face to face. "Don't be afraid to show that you hurt. Now, entertain me. Rub your ass against my cock

**Severus: Rooster.**

**Tonks: Not again. Sit.**

**Severus: Aw.**

and…" He placed his hand on James' face. "Kiss me."

James started rubbing against Snape's cock as he was told and kissed him, but only briefly. Their lips barely met. After two kisses like that he put his head down. Tears started leaking out of his eyes. He stopped moving.

**Tonks: *Shudder***

**Remus: You alright?**

**Tonks: No, my mental images started working again. **

**Severus: I like to imagine we're puppets here.**

**Sirius: Why puppets?**

**Severus: Puppets don't have genitalia. **

**Sirius: Oh, that's a good idea.**

**Tonks: Ow, your logic, it hurts.**

"What?" Snape wondered. "Continue."

James looked straight into his eyes. His glasses had fallen off long ago. Snape seemed shocked.

**Severus: My god, you have eyes!**

"I-I-I I'm sorry,"

**Sirius: Three extra 'i's, that's how you know he's really sorry.**

**James: Am I supposed to be stuttering? I don't stutter.**

**Tonks: Even if you did no one stutters like that.**

James stuttered. He collapsed onto Snape and embraced him with weak arms.

**Severus: Just what I wanted, a pair of arms.**

**Sirius: What can you do with those?**

**Severus: Potions, ten times better than if you're using animals.**

**Sirius: I wish I had a corkscrew.**

"I tried my best… but… but." He started sobbing. "The pain is too much. Do you really hate me his much?"

**Severus: That depends, how much does 'His' hate you?**

His voice was still shaking. He tried speaking properly, but his mouth wouldn't listen.

**Tonks: No, mouths aren't supposed to listen. That's what ears are for.**

"I wanted to make you… hap-py! At this would m-make us even.

**Severus: Nothing could make us even.**

**James: Agreed Snivellus.**

I-I love you!"

**James: Nope. I don't.**

**Sirius: Aw, you weally wike him!**

Snape turned away from James. His eyes fell on the carrot

**Severus: Why the carrot?**

**Remus: It was an innocent carrot.**

**Severus: I mean, I don't even like carrots.**

**Remus: Right, that's what I meant too.**

he had used before. It was blood on it. "No…" he whispered. Snape lifted James and moved him to the floor. He tried getting up, but James held him back. "Let go! Now!" Snape's voice was full of hurry and fear. James let him go.

**All: Ehh?**

**Sirius: I have to ask it, what in the hell is going on?**

**All: Ehh? **

"I'm sorry… I just wanted to…"

"Shut up!" Snape

**Severus: Told the author before he bashed her over the head with a bedpost.**

**Remus: Snivelly, we're better than that! We have magic!**

grabbed the cork and let the liquor run out. "Red? All red?"

**James: At least it's not blue.**

**Sirius: That would be quite worrisome.**

**Severus: What kind of liquor were we using?**

**Sirius: Horrible liquor from hell.**

**Tonks: Purgatory!**

**Remus: No dear, only when Severus accuses us of being in hell do we say that.**

**Tonks: I thought it was just when someone said the word. **

The liquor had mixed with the blood and was now a bright red shade. Snape looked at James who was still wincing in pain.

"I'll take you to the nurses' office right away," Snape said and wrapped his cape

**Sirius: You get a cape! No fair.**

**Severus: I'm a superhero suddenly.**

around James. He carried him to the Nurse as fast as he could.

**Sirius: Did you get super speed?**

**Severus: Yes.**

**Sirius: Neat.**

When he got there he was simply told to wait. Not before an hour later, he was allowed in. The nurse came over to him.

"You were the boy who found him, right?" she asked.

**Severus: Nope, I'm the boy who lived.**

"What?" Snape asked confused. What had James said?

"Mr. Potter says you found him like that, but he can't remember who did this to him or what happened. Just that you came to his rescue," she explained.

"Right… eh… is he okay now?"

**James: Hells to the no!**

"Yes. He's fine, but he'll have to lie here for a while. He won't be capable to walk for at least a week. Possibly two."

**Remus: Don't we have magic…to fix this?**

**Tonks: Obviously not.**

**Remus: Twisted fic-world.**

"So can I go inside?"

**James: Oh no, I've heard that line before.**

"Sure. Just answer this. Did you see who did this to him?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"Well, I guess there is nothing more for me to do with this case." She showed Snape James'

**Tonks: Snape James'?**

**Sirius: It's like some horrible half-breed. If I saw one, I'd kill it. With a corkscrew.**

bed and left the room. He found a chair

**Tonks: And he won the scavenger's hunt!**

and sat down by James' face.

**Remus: There has got to be a better way to have that sentence arranged.**

"I…" he started, but stopped when he saw James smiling.

**Severus: You enjoyed it?**

**James: Yep, I'm a masochist.**

"Did you mean what you said when you were in pain?" he continued.

"Every word," he smiled.

**James: Why the hell am I smiling?**

James took Snape's hand and Snape bent down over James and kissed him. It felt so good.

Written by ml90

**Severus: Now we know who to kill.**

**James: I have my killing wand.**

**Sirius: And I need to find a corkscrew.**

**Translated and slightly improved by Spklvrg**

**Remus: Speklevreg, am I pronouncing that right? Anyway Speklevreg needs to learn the meaning of the word 'Improved'.**

**Severus: While I agree I have to tell you, you are pronouncing that wrong. It pronounced Spklvrg, duh.**

**James: How do you know?**

**Severus: I text… a lot. **

**Tonks: It's over?**

**Remus: I believe so.**

**Severus: I'm taking an acid bath.**

**James: I'm going to go rip out my eyes now.**

**Sirius: Hey! I'm normal me again!**

**Tonks: Um, Sirius…**

**Sirius: Damn! I'm sixteen again! Wait doesn't this mean….**

**A new fic: Falls on the table.**

**Everyone: Dies a little more inside.**

**Narcissa: And yes, this means I am doomed to read more fics, but this fic is done. Now, I'm off to find something else awful. Haha...someone kill me.**


End file.
